Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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