I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
