You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
