i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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