i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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