he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize