I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
