You work out of a Hotel?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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