susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
