I'm going to jail i love you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
