you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
