she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
