No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
