no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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