Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
