does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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