We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
