I looked at my own cervix.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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