using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
