I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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