I'm going to jail i love you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
