I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
