apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
