fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
