I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
