Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
