If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
