Pappa wants mamma naked
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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