fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
