Im at strip club and am horny
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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