i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
