I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
