We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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