Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
