...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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