I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
