She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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