Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize