was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is the high leading the old right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
