Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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