I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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