i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
