He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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