I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
