plz talk dirty to me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
