erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
