Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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