Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
