"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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