I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
