we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are a genius and a whore.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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