It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
