Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
