I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
