Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
