singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
