just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
