Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
we should paint friendship bongs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
