Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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