toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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