Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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