Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize