Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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