the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
