If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
