is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All the doctor said was why
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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