You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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