In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
