just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
