She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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