Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
