you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
